As a perimenopausal woman, I have noticed a slight shift in resilience during this interesting, to say the least, phase of life. Situations or behaviours that used to feel a little frustrating now feel huge. Patience waves goodbye pretty quickly, and stress seems harder to manage. For example, someone listening loudly to their phone on public transport without earphones or chewing loudly can cause me anxiety, anger or emotional overwhelm. I know I am not alone on this boat, as these types of feelings have been mentioned numerous times by my clients in the clinic.

On one side, it is reassuring to know we are not alone, isn’t it? Because sometimes it can really feel like that when emotions and self-criticism take over. What’s wrong with ME? Why am I behaving like this? Who have I become and WHY?

So, if you ever felt or are currently feeling like this, I am writing this article for you – and for me, as a reminder.

Let’s start by making it crystal clear that mood and resilience changes in perimenopause are NOT a sign of weakness or failure. They can be common and are biologically influenced.

Perimenopause: The basics

For those new to perimenopause, it is the hormonal transition leading to menopause. It generally starts in your forties, but for some lucky women, it can also start even earlier.

During this time, your progesterone and estradiol (the main, most active form of estrogen in the body) can fluctuate like a rollercoaster at Alton Towers or Six Flags. Professionally speaking, they can fluctuate significantly. These hormones do not just regulate our periods, they can also affect sleep, brain chemistry, stress response and emotional regulation, contributing to symptoms such as:

• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Mood swings
• Decrease stress tolerance
• Depression

Researchers found that greater fluctuations in estradiol levels are linked with increased irritability symptoms during perimenopause. For those of you who wanted to know what’s behind the scenes, estradiol interacts closely with chemical messengers in the body such as serotonin, dopamine and your nervous system. Consequently, when estradiol shakes it like a polaroid picture, irritability comes and joins the party.

Please also remember that at the same time, some women may also be experiencing:

• Disrupted Sleep
• Night sweats
• Brain Fog
• Work / caregiving pressure
• Changing family dynamics

The above factors combine to reduce emotional bandwidth, or just the ability to ‘bounce back’ the way we used to. Personally, I think we deserve a gold medal each just for going through this.

The hidden grief of not recognising yourself anymore

I am working through these types of thoughts at the moment, and I have heard the same from so many clients:

• “I don’t feel like myself anymore”
• “I used to be able to cope with everything”
• “I feel emotionally fragile”
• “I crumble under stress”

It’s important to understand that this is not the general rule. Many women adapt well, but it is also key to know that others deeply experience emotional strain depending on biological, psychological or emotional stressors. This is why you need to know that this IS NOT a personal failure in any way, shape or form. It’s a biopsychological transition that can affect the whole stress-response system.

Great, but what helps?

There’s no one size fits all solution. BUT there are realistic and supportive approaches that can improve our emotional resilience and irritability over time but consistency is key.

Optimise Sleep. Consider it Emotional Healthcare

Poor sleep has been associated with worsened mood swings, anxiety and stress tolerance. So here’s a few tips to try:

• Reduce alcohol and caffeine, especially later in the day. Try to have you last coffee at least 6 to 8 hours before bed.
• Aim to keep consistent sleep and wake times
• Cool the bedroom environment between 16-19c
• Step away from screens 1 hour before bed
• Try a Magnesium Salts bath (just make sure to have a big glass of water before and after, to avoid dehydration)

Decrease your Nervous System Overload

What once we felt manageable may not be so at this very moment, in fact it may feel overwhelming. Some helpful approaches include:

• Build pauses into the day. Even if it’s a 5-minute microbreak.
• Reduce unnecessary commitments
• Spend time outdoors – even it’s just exposing yourself to daylight on your balcony during said microbreak
• Practice mindfulness or breathing exercises (I like to use the free app FitOn for this)
• Schedule recovery time after stressful events

Remember, even short periods of time in natural environments have been associated with improvements in depressive mood and stress reduction.

Move Your Body: Gently and Consistently

We may have to change the way we exercise to best support our body and mind during this time. Walking, strength training (supporting muscle mass is key in perimenopause), yoga, swimming, cycling or dancing can all help regulate the nervous system and improve emotional wellbeing. The goal here is consistency, NOT perfection, so find something you enjoy.

Track Patterns Rather than Judging Yourself

This is a big one. And it’s not easy but we really need to try. Rather than feeling shame or guilt about becoming emotionally reactive or impatient, focus on understanding the biological reasons behind these shifts to reduce self-criticism and focus on support-seeking instead. Self-compassion is much needed right now too. Be kind to yourself like you would with your best friend. Instead of focusing on judging yourself, regain control by focusing on patterns that may be happening on a regular basis, to also help you monitor any improvements once you have created consistent new habits. Try tracking:

• Energy levels
• Mood
• Sleep
• Menstrual changes
• Any triggers you may notice

You can use a simple pen and pad, or any of the apps out there such as Flo or Clue.

Do not be afraid to ask for support early

If symptoms are impairing your daily life, here’s further options to consider:

• Counselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
• Menopause- Informed Healthcare
• Hormone Therapy (IF appropriate for you) And a couple of useful links to check out:
• https://menopausesupport.co.uk/
• https://balance-app.com/

Perimenopause is a major life transition that affects both body and mind, but there is a lot we can do to support ourselves and make this new journey a little easier. Consistency, support and self-care can help us to feel more balanced and connected to ourselves again.