“I don’t recognise myself anymore.”
I hear this sentence almost every week in my clinic. Sometimes it’s about weight gain that seems to have appeared overnight. Sometimes it’s the hair falling out more than usual or the sudden mood changes. More often than not, it’s the deep feeling that the woman looking back at you in the mirror somehow feels unfamiliar.
I am a nutritional therapist and I support many of my clients to navigate perimenopause, but I am also going through it myself.
As a bonus, I have vitiligo – an autoimmune condition that causes patches of skin to lose their pigment – and, like many women, there have been moments where I have struggled to recognise myself too.
My vitiligo spread rapidly after the sudden loss of my aunt last year. It was the most stressful period of my life, and it made me wonder about the connection between emotional stress, hormones and the immune system.
Research tells us that vitiligo is a complex autoimmune disease involving genetics, immune dysregulation and oxidative stress (stress at a cellular level). Psychological stress is also recognised as one of the potential contributing factors in susceptible individuals like me.
Like many perimenopausal women, I have noticed a decline in resilience during this stage. This is because hormonal changes can affect much more than our reproductive system; they can also change the brain, our immunity, our skin, our metabolism, and yes, even our ability to manage stress.
When you combine hormonal changes with work, responsibilities, grief or ageing parents it’s suddenly easy to feel overwhelmed.
What I have learned is that resilience is not about avoiding stressors, because we can’t. There will always be a new one popping out somewhere.
It’s about giving our bodies more resources to manage and recover from them. So let me share the habits that are currently helping me to ride this wave. No, they do not treat vitiligo or stop perimenopause, but they help me to feel calmer, stronger and more like myself. Most days.
1. I start my day outside
One habit I have become fiercely protective of is getting outside soon after waking.I don’t live in LA by the beach, but every morning I can still trot myself to my balcony in front of my tomato plant and mini olive tree (yes, it’s summer and I miss Italy), lay my yoga mat on the floor, take my glasses off and do a short mobility sequence, followed by a 5-minute meditation.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. Some mornings I may just sit with a cup of herbal tea and breathe calmly, whilst the morning light hits my face. It’s like a natural shot of coffee.
Morning daylight can help to synchronise your circadian rhythm – the body’s internal clock- supporting daytime energy, mood and sleep quality at night. Basically, it’s a small habit with a ripple effect throughout the day!
2. I don’t punish my body, I nourish it
I don’t want to be skinnier. I want to feel stronger. I try to give my body enough protein to support healthy ageing and muscle mass, healthy fats (ladies, you need fat for healthy hormones!) from extra virgin olive oil, avocados, seeds, nuts and oily fish. And of course, lots of colourful veggies and fruits, and yes, wholegrains too, to provide plenty of fibre for gut health.
This is not a magic wand for either vitiligo or perimenopause but, a Mediterranean diet has consistently shown benefits for healthy ageing, inflammation and overall wellbeing.
3. I move to change how I feel
For many perimenopausal women mood swings, irritability and anxiety are real. Just ask the poor soul living with me. Throw in the fact that I am Italian, and we’ll have to make him a saint soon enough. Exercise is now my most trusted way to support my mental health. Non-negotiable. Whether it’s resistance training, a long walk, or just stretching each morning, movement helps me to reduce stress, support sleep and metabolism and reminds me that my body is capable – not just visible.
4. I ask for help when needed
This has probably been my hardest lesson to learn. I’d love to tell you that because I am a nutritionist, I always feel confident in my skin. The truth is, I don’t.
Summer can be especially difficult because my vitiligo is more visible. There are days when perimenopause and changing skin make me feel very disconnected from myself.
I am lucky enough to have access to a psychologist through my work. He also supported me in dealing with grief last year, but if that is not possible for you, look into referring yourself to talking therapies through the NHS. The waiting list can be long, so in the meantime even a free phone call to the Samaritans could help bring some relief on heavier days. And of course, if you do have a support circle, talking with friends or family can be a great way to get help.
5. I try to practice self- compassion
For years I measured my confidence based on what I saw in the mirror. Perimenopause and vitiligo are slowly teaching me a different lesson. You see, losing my aunt taught me that life can change in an instant. Living with vitiligo taught me that our bodies can change too.
Perimenopause is teaching me that healthy ageing is not about trying to become the woman I was ten years ago. It’s about learning to take care of and love the more knowledgeable, stronger woman I am today, with a little more compassion and a lot less judgement.
And perhaps, that’s what resilience looks like.
